D A M N I T O L
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 hours.

ST. M O M M A'S W O R T
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering children unconscious for up to six hours.

E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

P E P T O B I M B O
Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, colors hair blonde and improves flirting.

D U M B E R O L
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country western music.

F L I P I T O R
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and urge to flip off other drivers.

M E N I C I L L I N
Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person ... can we get naked now?"

B U Y A G R A
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.

J A C K A S S P I R I N
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.

A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.

S E X C E D R I N
More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear, I have a headache" syndrome.

N A G A M E N T
When administered to a husband or significant other, provides the same irritation as nagging him all weekend, saving the woman the time and trouble of doing it herself.